Does Sean Connery Wear Pants?

You have to dig pretty deep into some weird parts of reddit to find the “Pantless Sean Connery Theory,” so I’m glad I heard about it from a guy named Erik about 15 years ago. The “origin story” of the theory comes from the filming of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Some of the filming took place in Jordan, where it was hot as balls. According to some members of the cast and crew, Sean Connery, who at that point was old, rich, and famous enough not to give a single shit, would take off his pants between scenes. He even did some scenes pants-free.

This might seem like a one-time thing, but if you look closely at Connery’s movies from the 90s on, you’ll notice that every director chose to shoot him either from the waist up or in long shots where he could easily have been replaced by a body double (The Rock is a good example of this). The conclusion is obvious: Sean Connery hasn’t worn pants on a movie set since 1989. The obvious question, of course, is whether he did his voice work for Dragonheart buck-ass naked. We think he did. You can get away with a lot of shit when you’re Sean Connery.

The House Interview

House agreed to an interview, but only let us ask him 5 questions.

I Don’t Have Any Pants Please Someone Help Me With Getting Some Pants: Medically speaking, are pants important?
House: Pants are incredibly important medically. The only people who can survive for an extended amount of time without pants are sexy people.

I Don’t Have Any Pants Please Someone Help Me With Getting Some Pants: So sexy people don’t need pants?
House: Well, everybody needs pants sometimes. Sexy people look really good without pants, but if they started just going everywhere without pants, it would cause problems.

I Don’t Have Any Pants Please Someone Help Me With Getting Some Pants: So they might get sick?
House: Sexy people are already at risk of getting sick from being too sexy. Not wearing pants would make them sexier, so they’d be even more likely to get sick.

I Don’t Have Any Pants Please Someone Help Me With Getting Some Pants: You can get sick from being too sexy?
House: It’s possible, but you’ve got to be really sexy. Like Ronnie McCoy sexy.

I Don’t Have Any Pants Please Someone Help Me With Getting Some Pants: Is it lupus?
House: It’s not lupus.

I Don’t Have Any Pants Please Someone Help Me With Getting Some Pants: Thanks, House!
House: Now give me the goddamn pills you promised.